The title of this journal is slightly misleading, as I am not in fact a guy. Although, I am little in the sense that I am not a large corporation, and am instead just one single person. I'm also relatively little seeing as how I'm only about 5'4" and the deep depression I've fallen into this year has caused me to lose about 60 lbs.. But that's beside the point. What's really important here is the victory part:
Back in September a dA friend of mine spotted my work being made available for download somewhere without my consent, and kindly let me know. I looked into it and found that 30 of my spaced-themed wallpapers had been ripped and uploaded to another site, where I was given not credit as creator. Admittedly, it feels a bit petty, being so incensed at the fact that I was given no credit: in the grand scheme of things it doesn't make that much of a ripple in the pond. But my overactive sense of justice was bruised and I was going to do something about it. After all, I hadn't spent hours creating artwork for someone else to swipe it and try to pass it off as a product of their own creativity (and with resounding success at that; my stolen work was downloaded 200% more often in some cases from the thieving site than from my dA gallery - and without credit, none of that traffic came anywhere near me). Unfortunately all my attempts at getting my work taken down were to no avail. But, being an unusually stubborn girl pretty much since birth, I refused to give in to good sense and let it go. So, thanks to the help of another deviant, I was able to get in touch with the company that hosts this massive ripping third party site. I emailed their info department with all the details earlier last week. I felt hopeful that, since the third party site had clearly violated my rights and therefore the terms of their contract with the hosting company, the company would be willing to remove my work as I requested. The communication barrior had me a little worried; cross continental emailing between people with very different language bases isn't the most accurate. The emails I received from them were a bit vague. And I am still waiting to hear back officially from them regarding the resolution, so this journal might be a bit premature...
But, to make a long story a little bit less long, it now looks like all but 2 or 3 of my works have been successfully removed from both the English and the Russian versions of the site. Victory! A small one, at least. I know there are many more sites out there featuring, selling, and ripping artists' works, including mine. And actually, there are still several hundered ripped wallpapers on this site. Basically, if you ever made a celestial themed wallpaper and uploaded it to dA, it's probably on there. A lot of the work I recognize, but there are some pieces, really stunning ones, and I wish I knew who created them. (If you'd like to check to see if your work has been pilfered, look at my previous journal for the name of the web site.) Also, after doing a bit more digging, it looks like there's another, albeit less well-known, version of this site. A dozen or so of my works are on this site too. But I'll deal with that later.
I owe a big thanks to those who've been supportive of me here on deviantART, either by leaving comments, sending notes, helping me out, or even faving some of my deviations. That, and the amazing artists who never cease to impress me with their skill and creativity, are the things that keep me coming back. And I'd like to think that's a good thing
So even though this is just one battle in an endless war, there is now one less thing that I've got to worry about. Positive steps, no matter how small, deserve to be celebrated. And as there have not been many positive things in my life lately, I am celebrating this one hard. Of course, my idea of celebrating these days involves Firefly marathons and - if I'm feeling really pumped - a minor spending spree at an art supply or book store. Given that, is it any wonder I have no social life? That, though, is a whole other can of crud I should not be opening. Victory - I'm focusing on my victory... w00t.
Okay, so, anyone who was only interested in the "Victory for the little guy!" part of this journal can totally stop reading now. I'm probably going to start rambling now and there's really no need for you to put yourself through that particular brand of hell.
I've been writing this entry over the past few days, and each time I come back to add or change something it's like a completely different person was here. (That may or may not be evident to the poor reader. I have lost the ability to tell.) My mental health these days leaves much to be desired. Everything would all make sense to me as I wrote it, but looking back at it the next day I could make little sense of what I had said. So at one point in writing this journal I had a lot more to go on about, all about being depressed and suicidal. But today, even though my disposition is still not particularly sunny, I was just too tired to make sense of my own thoughts and so erased them. I will say this though, simply because I need to say it somewhere and I'm already typing: There's been a crack in my life, and everything I used to believe in turned out to be nothing more than dust. I've lost all hope, all grounding, and I just don't want to live anymore. This, they tell me, is moderate to severe clinical depression. Whatever its label, it's a goddamned nightmare. Unlike a lot of depressed people, though, I don't feel worthless (in fact, despite my faults, I'm know I'm pretty damn great). I'm just tired of living lies and being miserable. I'm tired of blind faith. So all words of encouragement that people try to offer, words that are backed with absolutely no proof (life will get better, there is hope!) don't mean anything, and it all pretty much just angers me. I'm at the breaking point. Don't get me wrong; I don't sit around planning my death all day...I have to go to work, too. Every now and then I get this little glimmer of something that's not despair - not happiness, but, just, not despair. It's just, I don't know how much longer I'm supposed to go on living from glimmer to glimmer. I'm pretty tired of it all. I will undoubtedly regret writing this part of the journal but... whatever.
Also, in other news:
• It snowed today.
• I loathe fruit flies.
• I just uploaded a new deviation, so there must be at least some part of my soul that's not dead yet:
• That's all I got.
Ciao, my friends.